Biblical Reproof

the difference between reproof and criticism

Does the biblical admonition not to criticize or condemn mean that we must never offer admonition or reproof?

Not at all. Reproof is not the same thing as criticism and scripture speaks well of reproof:

He is on the path of life who heeds instruction, But he who ignores reproof goes astray.1

And when God reproves us, we should receive it well:

If you turn at my reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you.2

We are reproved through scripture.

All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness…3

Genuine reproof should be received with thanksgiving, appreciation and with favor.

He who rebukes a man will afterward find … favor.4

What is the difference between reproof and criticism? The criticism of Matthew 7:1 carries an element of condemnation, whereas, biblical reproof contains no element of condemnation. That is the reason why reproof is received with favor and criticism is received with disfavor. Thus, how the words are received is a good indication of whether the statement is reproof or criticism.

But the first thing to consider in determining whether a statement is reproof or criticism is the intent of the speaker. Why were the words said? Were they intended to edify or to vindicate? Were they intended to warn or to disparage. Were they spoken to vent the emotions of the speaker or to benefit the relationship? Does the speaker intend to bless the hearer or to prove him wrong?

If the words were spoken to edify but the speaker knew that they would be received as criticism, then what was the purpose of the words? Critical words tear down; they do not build up. Good faith reproof is useless when it is taken as critical, so why say it?

No matter what the motive of the reprover may be, if the hearer receives the words as destructive criticism, they effectively become exactly that. Useless words that neither edify nor bless nor warn should not be spoken even if they are well intended. It is certainly true, however, that words spoken with the genuine intent to reprove may first be received as critical but later be appreciated as good faith reproof.

It is a fool who refuses to receive well intended rebuke and the words are wasted on him:

A rebuke goes deeper into one who has understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.5

But the one who continually speaks words that are received as critical will become odious.

A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping…6

In order to be effective biblical reproof, the words must be intended to edify or to warn and be understood to be received favorably, even if the favor comes later. Unless the hearer hears the words as good faith reproof, they are useless and the hearer remains blind to the content of the reproof.

Unwelcome remarks progressively close the door to productive discussion and in a marriage they can push the marital opponent into emotional detachment, behind a wall of defense and into a separate world where, because of a history of relational sin, real communication is simply impossible.